Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
