please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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