Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
