it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
