I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
