The maid of honor just puked.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
