So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
