My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
