I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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