what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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