It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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