he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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