we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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