How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
