so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
