We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
