I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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