I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
