i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
