Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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