Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
