I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
