look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
