I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
