So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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