is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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