Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
