I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Randomize
