Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
