The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize