If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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