Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
