i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize