you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
