I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
