Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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