I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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