just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
