Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Never joke about your clitoris.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
