the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
