i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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