What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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