What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
