1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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