Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
