The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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