well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
