It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
