Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
