That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
