Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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