okay pat passed out under dana's car
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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