I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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