that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
