His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
