I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The uberlube is also flammable
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize