ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
