I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize