Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
