Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
