Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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