oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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