babies were throwing up all over the place
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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