come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
no, he came in my armpit
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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