Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
